Chapter 14: The Gathering

The Gathering

The group at the Center had been small, maybe fifteen people total.  Ben wondered if this was the total amount of out people on campus. When he’d walked into the office, Ryan had started introducing him around.  There was a guy in Lycra shorts named Jeremy who was there with his boyfriend Arturo. They were the first gay couple Ben ever met.  Ryan moved Ben on across the room to a handsome guy sitting on a couch talking to a woman with a big nose and wearing a large, flowered hat.

“Richard, this is Ben,” Ryan said. “He’s new…”

Richard barely smiled. Ben stuck out his hand.  They shook.

Weak handshake.

“And this is Julia.” 

Julia looked up from her reclined position. Her ridiculous hat obscured her eyes. “Hello Ben,” Julia said. “Freshman?”

“Junior,” Ben said. “I transferred.” 

Julia nodded, then turned back to Richard.  Ben drifted over to Jeremy and Arturo and sat with them for the duration of the movie.

Once the movie was over, the room emptied so quickly that Ben didn’t have time to introduce himself to anybody else. Richard and Ryan left before the lights had been turned back on.

“They’re going to the bars,” Jeremy said.

“Around here?”

“Hampstead,” Jeremy said. “There are no gay bars in Alden.  Are you heading back home?”

“I think so,” Ben said.

“Come and walk with us,” Jeremy said. “We’re heading in the same direction as you.”

Arturo had ridden his bike to the Center office and wheeled it alongside them as they walked up the avenue.  Arturo was quiet and let Jeremy do the talking.  Jeremy carried a large wicker chair upside down over his head.

“It’s easier to carry this way,” Jeremy said. “Did you like the movie?”

 “Yeah,” Ben said.  “I didn’t see it when it was released.”

“Enjoy it,” Jeremy said. “They show the same movies over and over every Thursday night.  You have this, Parting Glances, Longtime Companion, and My Beautiful Launderette.  That’s about it for the men.  The women have it worse, they only have Desert Hearts.  The good news is they usually show the films in a room at the campus center so you won’t have to trek out here every week.”

“Yeah,” Ben asked. “I’m surprised the UGLBA office is so far out of the way.”

“No,” Jeremy said from underneath his wicker helmet. “The UGLBA is a student group, the office is in the Student Union.  That’s where everybody hangs out. This place is administrative. Sabra Gould runs it.  She lobbied for it after some homophobic incidents a few years back.”

“I’d always assumed this school was more tolerant,” Ben said.

“A myth,” Jeremy said. “The same shit happens here as everywhere else.  Things grew worse since AIDS.”

“Straight people,” Arturo muttered.  Arturo was from Argentina and his face was heavily lined.  He looked older than 26.

“Stop,” Jeremy said.

“You’ve said the same thing,” Arturo responded.  Jeremy shot him a look and Arturo was quiet.

“Do you have work-study?” Jeremy asked.

 “Yeah, I do,” Ben said. “I’ve been trying to find a job all week.  Do you have one to offer?”

“Sabra hires work study students at the Center, you should apply,” Jeremy said.  “It’s better than the usual work study shit like working the library circulation desk until midnight or washing dishes.”

“Maybe,” Ben said. “It’s an idea.”

 “Do it,” Jeremy said.  His face was covered by the chair now.  Ben took the opportunity to look down at Jeremy’s lower half; he had nice legs. “It won’t be too hard of a job.”

“Here comes the bus,” Arturo said.

 Jeremy took the chair off his head. “You’ll come to the social tomorrow?  That’s when you’ll really get to meet everybody,” Jeremy said. “Tonight was just a prelude.”

“I’ll try to be there,” Ben said.

“You’d better. Ninth floor of the Campus Center at three,” Jeremy said. “See you.” He turned the chair sideways through the narrow door and walked in. Arturo waved as he struggled to pull the bike up the narrow bus stairwell.

Ben watched the bus pull away and continued walking down the road back to the dorm.  He had to call Dave as soon as he got home. 

Chapter 13: He Redux

He

He figured that if he sat in the most remote corner of the dining hall, there was a smaller chance of anybody seeing him.   He felt invisible, but he liked it.  Things weren't going so badly.  Everybody on the floor was nice, even those who had been there last year when he had his little meltdown.  Nobody made him feel uncomfortable or ill at ease, but he still hesitated from joining in with them when they were gathered in their rooms or going to meals together.  No, not for him.  Not yet. 

His mother had called him the night after Rose had dropped him off.

“You’re okay?” she asked.

You ought to know ma, you’re the nurse.

“I’m fine,” he said. “I’m just getting back into things.”

“It’s not too weird?”

“No,” he said. “In fact, it’s easier than I’d thought.”

“And the team?  You’re going back?”

He’d let a pause go through, to let her know that he had considered everything.

“I thought yes but now I’m not sure,” he said. “I’ll know in a few weeks.”

“All right,” she said. “Just make sure to call at least once a week. Leave a message if I’m not home.”

“Yep.”

“I love you,” she said.

“You too,” he said and hung up.  If he didn’t call once a week, she’d drive to campus herself to check up on him.  That was overdoing it.  He hadn’t even done anything last semester; there’d been no suicide attempt.  He just felt down and had a hard time finishing things.  From what he’d seen after two years at school was that students broke down all the time; he was a mild case.

He’d been sitting at the table for nearly twenty minutes and his food, which he had barely touched, had grown cold.  Who knew where all the time had gone.  He could go back for seconds but it didn’t make sense to waste what he had.  Besides, hot or cold, food didn’t have much flavor to him anymore.  But it was also a shame to waste it.  He dug in. 

The plan was just to stay invisible for just a short time longer.

Chapter 12: Meeting of the Minds

The Nicotine Creed

Maria felt as though she was being watched.  She stayed put on the bench by the campus pond and looked around for anybody she might know until she spotted the guy lying on the grass a few yards away.  

He nodded at her. 

She nodded back. 

He stood up and came toward her.  Maria reached into her purse and fingered her pepper spray.  The guy appeared harmless, after all he was smiling, but you never know.

“I’m sorry,” the stranger said. “But I’m desperate.  Do you have an extra smoke?” He had a British accent.

Maria took her hand off the spray. “Sure.”  Since when have I become the campus supplier?

He didn’t look to be the Clove type, so she handed him the last American Spirit she found at the bottom of her bag.  This guy was definitely hotter than the majority of guys on campus, especially those from the eastern part of the state with their harsh accents. 

“Thanks so much,” the guy said a minute later, exhaling. “I was suffering withdrawal.  I’m low on cash until next week”

“I always carry an emergency pack on me,” Maria said. 

“Good idea, the simplest things never occur to me,” he said.  He held out his free hand. “I’m Cedrick, and what’s the name of my savior?”

“Maria,” she said.

“Maria,” Cedrick repeated. “Perfect.”

“Why perfect?”

Cedrick grinned. “It just is.”

Don’t I Know You?

Ben was lost, which was something of a relief.  If he couldn’t find this Diversity Center, he couldn’t go to the movie, but he could still tell Dave that he’d at least tried.   I can go back to my room, Ben thought, I could just go back to my room and not go and maybe I’ll go to something else later on.  I don’t know if I can do this …

#

Ryan Gibson frowned as he approached the  Dickinson residential area.  What had Sabra been thinking putting the Center office way out here? This was where all the freshman and jocks wanted to live.  As a result it was crowded, noisy, chaotic (there was a rumor that a cow had once been forced to the top floor of one of the towers and then thrown off the balcony) and the site of a few homophobic incidents over the years.  Just the other night, Tobe had recounted the story about a bottle of cranberry juice being thrown at him from a high-rise window during the short time he lived there.  Tobe’s hair had been his fire engine red at the time.  He moved out to a new residential area a week later.

And here it was, only the first week of school, and one of the big Dickinson guys was staring at him as Ryan walked by.  Ryan cursed himself for making the trek out here to see a movie that he and just about every other member of the UGLBA had seen ten times.  Ryan glared back at the guy and continued walking.

Then he heard the footsteps coming up behind him.

Why did I wear my “Gay Power” t-shirt, what was I trying to prove?

“Hey!” the guy called.

Ryan turned around. “Excuse me?”

 “You’re going to Crane House, right?”  the guy asked.

Ryan realized who it was.  This wasn’t a jock out to flatten him; it was the guy who’d come up to the UGLBA table on the concourse. 

Son of a gun.  Macon Brigham had been right. 

“Hi,” the guy said. “I’ve been wandering for ten minutes trying to find the office.”

“This way,” Ryan said, leading him across a small parking lot to a set back alcove where the office was almost hidden except for one unmistakable feature. 

The front door was painted lavender.  

Chapter 11: Pastabilities

Ponderances Over Pasta

A girl with bright blue hair the shade of Cookie Monster was waving at Ben from the dining hall steps.  Ben had no idea who she was, but he lifted his hand to wave back when a woman behind him ran up and embraced her.

“Oh my god, I love your hair,” the second girl exclaimed. “When did you get it done?”

“Oh my god, you mean that’s not real???” came an exclamation.   Ben looked over in the direction of the last speaker.   The guy who had spoken was heavy, with his hair up in a modified pompadour; he was wearing a large silver ring on a string around his neck.  He gestured to the blue-haired girl and rolled his eyes.  Ben laughed.  The guy grinned back and went into the vegetarian cafeteria.

Ben handed his swipe card to the woman sitting by the cafeteria door. The room was packed with students; now he’d have to spend time searching the crowd to see if Dave had arrived.   Ben sighed.  The days so far had been shapeless, and the crowds more annoying than overwhelming.  He’d waited in the add-drop line for four hours that day only to find that most of the classes he’d wanted weren’t available. There had been a warning to get in line at 5 a.m., but Ben had dismissed that as an exaggeration: it wasn’t.  One woman in front of him in line had taken out her knitting. Her ball of yarn had taken the form of a sweater by the time they’d reached the front. 

The morning before his first classes, his mother had called to wish him luck (“Mom, I’m a junior,” he’d told her) and had asked him pick up the schedule of Masses for the Neumann Center.  That wasn’t going to happen. 

First day classes were over in fifteen minutes; professors just handed out the syllabi and dismissed everybody so Ben had spent most of his free time wandering around. There were people everywhere he went.  Ben was curious if the guy from orientation had indeed gotten laid within five minutes. 

Ben finally spotted Dave at a table over in the far corner.  It was the first time they’d seen one another since move-in day.

“So?” Dave asked. “How are things going?”

Ben shrugged. “Bit of a slow start, and you?”

“The same,” Dave pushed the food- over cooked pasta in watery red sauce- around on his plate.  “This is gross.”

“This is the best you’re going to get in college,” Ben said. “Eat up.”

“It’s just not like mommy makes,” Dave complained. “I think I’m done with dinner tonight.” He put down his fork and peered at Ben.  “So, it’s Thursday, you’re going to that gay thing you told me about on the phone, right?”

Ben took a swallow of the watery red punch. “The movie,” he said. “I don’t know.  I keep thinking maybe I won’t go, but then I know that I’ve been bitching to you for so long about meeting ‘my kind,’ so I should go.  But it’s over in the Dickinson residential area, at a place called The Diversity Center.  That’s code for ‘gay’ apparently.  That’s too obscure to remember and it’s pretty far.  Maybe I’ll just go to the ‘coffee social’ at the campus center tomorrow.” 

“And then you’ll make some excuse to avoid that.  If you don’t want to go, don’t,” Dave said. “But I also don’t ever want you to complain again. Ever. You have your chance now to make the change you’ve been dying for. What’s the movie?”

“Torch Song Trilogy,” Ben said. “I am so torn.” 

“Oh quit whining and go,” Dave said. “If you don’t, I’ll force you.”

“You can’t do that,” Ben said. “I’m much bigger than you.”

“I know,” Dave said. “When is it?”

“Seven.” 

Dave looked at his watch. “You have forty-five minutes.  You’ll eat, then I’ll walk you outside and send you on your way.”

“Such a gentleman,” Ben said. “You sure you don’t want to go with me?”

“Positive,” Dave said. “You have to take this journey without me.”

Ben sighed.  “I knew you’d say that but it was worth a try.”

Chapter 10: Desk Lamp

Desk Lamp

“That is the ugliest lamp I’ve ever seen,” Darin said. 

“You don’t like it?  I thought it was funky, and brightens up the room,” Todd said.  He placed it at the far corner of his desk, then straightened out his pens, placing them in a neat row. 

“Brightens up the room too much,” Darin said. “Look at the thing, it’s orange and green.”

“Well, it was cheap,” Todd said. “And it was the only lamp at the campus center I could afford.”  That was a lie: he’d paid more for it than he should have. Todd had seen the lamp at the store two days earlier and hadn’t been able to get it out of his mind.  The desk lamp the school provided was clunky and ugly and wouldn’t stand up correctly.  This one was nicer and was his first personal touch that mattered. Todd had bought a floor lamp before he left for school, but that was for next to the bed.  The more lamps, the less need to use the overhead fluorescent light when he studied.

“I can see what it was so cheap,” Darin said.

“It’s not that bad.”  Why was Todd defending a fucking lamp anyway?  He liked it, he bought it and that was it.  If Darin didn’t like it, he didn’t have to use it.  

It had been four days and Darin obviously hadn’t yet found anybody else to fool around with because he kept jumping on Todd at night.  Todd had given in every time but that would change soon, he hoped. Already, he’d seen scores of good looking guys around.  Some of them had to be available and then he could turn Darin down.  Sorry Darin, I have a boyfriend, he could say, but he’d be nice about it.

Darin sat up from where he was lying on the bed in his boxers.  “Your mom called,” Darin said, scratched his shoulder and grimacing. “She said it wasn’t urgent.” 

“Thanks,” Todd said.  He pulled a magazine out of his bag. “I also bought Vanity Fair.”

“The one where Demi Moore’s pregnant?”

“Yeah.”

“I read that before I came to school.  It’s retarded.” 

“Never mind, then.”  Todd dropped the Vanity Fair onto his desk. “Have you seen the notice for the gay group posted on the bulletin board?”

“Yeah,” Darin said. “I don’t know if I’ll go.  It probably won’t be as much fun as the group in Boston.”

We’re not in Boston, Todd though.  “I may go to some coffee hour they’re having on Friday,” he said. “Let me know if you’re interested. We can meet up beforehand.”

Todd went over to the phone. Darin grabbed him between the legs as he passed.

“Come on, I have to call my mother,” Todd said.

“It’s not urgent, remember?” Darin said, rubbing his hand back and forth. Todd started getting hard. “See, you do want it.”

Less and less, Todd thought.

Chapter 9: Look What I Have

Look What I Have

Despite the open jar of Marmite - a tar-like substance was apparently “mashed yeast”- there was no sign of Cedrick when Ben returned from the Campus Center.  That was good because when Cedrick was in the room, he walked around in his underwear. And Cedrick was hot. Ben hadn’t been especially impressed when they’d met but later that night, once Cedrick had disrobed for bed, Ben forced himself to look away. Cedrick slept in his briefs, and Ben could even make out his morning erection.  Cedrick was a heavy sleeper, which worked out well since it enabled Ben to jerk off while staring at his half-naked body.

Besides the impressive anatomy, Cedrick appeared to be a nice guy.   He had apologized about the smoking and promised to only smoke when seated in front of an open window.  It wasn't the ideal compromise but Ben had been willing to give it a try. 

Cedrick, in turn, didn’t mind Ben playing Joni Mitchell over and over again, though he was a bit bewildered for why Ben liked her so much.  Ben couldn’t answer. Cedrick drew the line at Enya, and when Ben had asked why, Cedrick shrugged and said, “She’s Irish.”  Cedrick’s thick Northern accent was so adorable that it made Ben more amenable to his suggestions.

Ben lay down on his bed and started to look at the papers he’d jammed in his back pocket he’d picked up at the UGLBA table   He studied the Newsletter for the University Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Community: there was a movie on Thursday night at the Diversity Center office, wherever that was: a showing of “Torch Song Trilogy.”  Maybe he’d go to that.  Maybe not.  He had until Thursday to make up his mind. 

Ben noticed a pair of Cedrick’s briefs discarded on the floor.  He locked the door of the room, picked up the underwear, put it to his nose and inhaled.

Ah, college.

Chapter 8: Meanwhile, Across the Concourse...

Meanwhile, Across the Concourse…

Summer and all its wonderful freedoms felt so far away and classes hadn’t even begun, Maria Levett mused.  Classes starting up again was too big a price to pay for the luxury of free local buses. 

Once Min had delivered the news about the smoking lounges, Maria grew increasingly annoyed and walked out on the meeting.  She ended up at the Campus Center.  She looked at the items for sale, considered buying a “Thelma and Louise” poster but decided against it as she didn’t feel like defending the movie to people accused it of “man hating.”  She bypassed the student group tables, the credit card companies and the academic freak show for a sofa in a dark corner.

Maria asked herself the same questions every year:  Why had she moved back into the dorms?  Why was she even attending this school?  During the summer, Maria had lived in a nice apartment in town, could smoke whatever and whenever she wanted, her roommates were never there - which was good considering who some of her overnight guests had been.  The dorms sucked with their stupid, archaic rules.  Fuck Min.  He was just an RA.  There was no need to act like a damn cop over the smoking. 

The campus center resembled an airplane hangar and it also sucked, but at least she could still smoke there – or had that changed?   When she’d been dating Laertes -great name, small dick- across town at Alden College (and how long did that relationship last, one week, two?) the Alden campus center in all its moneyed glory depressed her and Maria decided there would be no more dating anybody in the area who went to a better school, men or women.  It was too depressing to see all the amenities offered at the other local schools.  A Green Tree Women’s College student – all the students at Green Trees pronounced the entire name of the school- she’d hooked up with at a dance once told her that their students were served milk and cookies in their dorms every night. That didn’t appeal to Maria. It was too goodie-goodie.  But at least the other schools in the area got something besides more and more repressive rules.

Maria had only herself to blame for being here, and that pissed her off the most.  She wasn’t an in-state student. Maria was from western Pennsylvania, the middle of nowhere.  When she was five, her father lost his teaching job, and they had moved in with his mother in the leafy Riverdale district of The Bronx.  Maria remembered that as being one of the better times of her life.  After two years, they moved back to Pennsylvania, her parents divorced and the grandmother died shortly thereafter.  Maria had never returned to The Bronx.  But on this hick campus, all Maria had to say was that she’d lived in The Bronx, and everybody got the idea that the half-Dominican/half-Jewish girl had been raised on the streets.  It was an impression Maria didn’t bother to correct.

Maria had been lured to the University by the Hotel and Restaurant Management program but lost interest after a semester and declared a History major.  That had also been a mistake.  But it was almost over.  Maria was, at long last, a senior.

“Got another one?” a voice said.  Maria looked up.

Julia Wood.

Julia who was smart enough to live off-campus in a large two-storey house with other on-campus housing refugees dubbed “The Queer Ghetto.”  Julia with the hot black DJ boyfriend who let her do whatever she wanted.  Julia from the well-off family only Maria knew about.   Julia always got the better deal. 

“What are you doing here? Classes don’t start until Wednesday,” Maria fumbled in her for a cigarette in its silver case.  Butterfingers. She fished one out and handed it over.  Julia took out her silver lighter emblazoned with her initials.

“Oh, I’ve got shit to do; I was just visiting the guys,” Julia pointed in the direction of the table.  Ryan still looked glum and Macon was talking to some students at the Poetry Club table next to theirs. “Thank god they put them as far away from the Young Conservatives as possible this year.”

“Oh, yeah, right,” Maria said. 

“I’m here because I need to locate my chem. professor and beg to make up an incomplete. There’s a rumor he’s on campus today and I need to trap him,” Julia said. “He made me wait all summer until he returned my phone call, so I’m not letting him off easy. Asshole.” 

“You still have incompletes too, huh?” Maria asked. “I have two that I’ve never bothered to try and finish. Now I need to so I can graduate and get out of here. Yay me.”

Maria watched Julia smoke.  If Maria had anything on her, it was that Julia wasn’t beautiful, barely attractive at first glance. Julia was tall, pasty, limp hair, dark, horn-rimmed glasses, but she still managed to have charm.  When Maria had joined the UGLBA her sophomore year, figuring a three week fling with the girl in the dorm room next to hers enhanced her eligibility, she and Julia had been wary of one another, both sensing that the other was vying for the title of “center of attention.”  Julia had been in the group longer and didn’t like it when anybody took the spotlight away from her.  Eventually, the women decided that the best thing to do was to form an alliance.  And that included sharing some secrets, like the fact that Julia didn’t consider herself a lesbian or even bi.  Maria asked Julia why she would pretend that but Julia pointed out that she’d never pretended to be anything. Nobody had ever asked.  Maria thought it was strange, but didn’t pursue it.  Julia had a way of twisting language and reason around to always get her way.

 “Get this,” Maria said. “The dorm smoking rules are being restricted.  People have complained it was too smoky in the smoking lounges.”

“Lame,” Julia said. “And starting this week, nobody can smoke in the UGLBA office anymore either.” 

Julia and Maria had both voted to keep the smoking in the office, despite the walls turning gray over time, but they were overruled.  Maria had threatened to never set foot in the office again, but a week later she’d been back, having nowhere else to hang out that she found even semi-tolerable.

 “You should have taken the upstairs apartment with Terri like I told you to,” Julia said. “But you waited too long; Colleen and Geordie have it.  You shouldn’t have gone back to campus housing.” 

 “How is life in the ghetto?” Maria asked. 

Julia grimaced. “We’ve been there three weeks.  Terri and Heather have broken up, and now Heather is talking about moving out.  It’s made things interesting.”

“At least they’re in separate apartments,” Maria said.

“Thanks god for small favors, but if Heather leaves mid-semester, Richard and I are screwed on rent.  Terri keeps her roommates.”

“And how’s living with Richard?”

“Fine.  He and Tobe and Ryan are out all the time,” Julia dropped the cigarette on the stone floor and stomped it out. “Okay, I need to get the fuck out of here and hunt down Professor Langley. And before I forget…” Julia took several fliers out of her purse. “Put these on the bulletin board on your floor to entice the newbies.”

Maria looked at the fliers. “These are ugly.  Did some queen design these from his hospital…”

“I already made that joke,” Julia said. “It didn’t go over well.”